Here I Am
by Rachael-Rose
Summary: NineTenxRose. Another Kleenex moment :D Promises are promises, after all...warning for character death, if you don't like that kind of thing :
1. Chapter 1

They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you're dying.

I'm dying, then.

The weird thing is, I'm not scared. I'm not scared at all. I think I got shot. I can hear people shouting, guns going off, and I've got a feeling this really should hurt like hell, but it doesn't. I'm just wondering where he is.

I've been in plenty of danger before; it comes with the job, I suppose, but there's always been something to warn me. I can't explain it, but it's always been there. Once, I swear something pushed me out of the way, physically, but nobody believed me later. This time though, there was nothing. I think I must have turned round too late or something, then I was here. Watching my life.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm bored.

Okay, I know that sounds weird, but I really am _bored_. I just want to get it over with. I've lived this stuff once; is it really necessary to remember it all again when I've plenty of time to do that already? I just want something to happen.

The pain's kicking in. Definitely shot, I can tell that much, in the chest somewhere. I don't really mind it, though. It's strange…it hurts, but it doesn't.

I want the Doctor.

Another stupid thought? I could want anyone to be here now - my mum, my dad, Mickey, anyone. But instead I want someone I haven't seen for fifty years. I want someone I might not even recognise anymore.

At least that's brought up some nicer memories, I suppose. Okay, some nicer memories…but they're of him, so it doesn't matter. It's like an out of body experience, this – it feels as though I'm standing in the memories, watching them acted out in front of me like some kind of walk-in film. Some are lovely.

"_I've just remembered…I can dance!"_

Some aren't so lovely.

…_how could I leave him? All on his own, all the way down there?_

Some are just downright awful.

And that's the one I'm stuck in.


	3. Chapter 3

"_WILL EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!" _

This was supposed to have been an afternoon off. I wasn't pleased to be called back into work, and let's just say being greeted by an office – my office – full of shouting and yelling was the icing on the cake.

I won't ever forget the shock though, when I saw what they were all looking at. Propped up against the wall, as though it had fallen over when they 'landed'. The burning on my chest from the key hadn't registered until then, but now I looked, and the key was glowing. And there was the poor girl, leaning against my office wall, all battered and chipped and…oh, it was awful.

"_Everyone just get out. Now. There's nothing to be worried about. Leave."_

And I should have known. Experience should've told me that just when you thought it can't get any worse, it would always get worse. The 'worse' was lying on the floor, amongst all the yelling people. I hated them then. Standing there, shouting, making all that noise when he was just lying there, ignored, holding his head against the racket. Lucky for them they left when I told them to.

I don't know how long I sat there, holding his hand.

"_Rose?"_

"_I'm here. What the Hell happened to you?"_

"_There was a fight. Well, fight doesn't really cover it…the right side won, but there were effects." _

All the while he was coughing, clutching his sides against pain I didn't even want to begin thinking about the cause of. I looked down at one point, I think, and I had to stop myself from screaming when he spat blood out onto the floor.

"_What effects?"_

"_We tore a hole in the universe. The TARDIS told me it led somewhere else, but she didn't know where."_

"_So you came through."_

"_Had to know, didn't I? I'd never have forgiven myself if I hadn't tried. Thing is, I was injured. Badly. Really badly. And the hole was unstable."_

I just sat there as he explained. He'd had a choice. He could regenerate and save himself, but the hole was closing and if he'd done that, he'd have missed it. The Doctor had taken all the energy he'd have needed to regenerate, and used it to get them through the hole.

"_The trouble was though, Rose, was that it didn't just take that regeneration. I was supposed to be able to do it three more times, but after we came through the hole, there was nothing left. Not that it mattered, really. I didn't want to find you, only to have you not recognise me."_

"_Can't you heal yourself? Like you did with your hand?"_

"_There's nothing left, Rose. Nothing. I don't regret it though. Got to see you, didn't I?"_

They were the last words he ever said to me. He died as I kissed him, told him I loved him, curled up on the floor of my office, and the pain never stopped. I screamed at everyone who tried to come in. Sat there with him for hours.

Eventually she gave in too. I guess the fighting and the journey and the loss hurt her too badly, and I watched the TARDIS vanish for the last time. I remembered what the Doctor had told me about them being living things, and I wondered if they had souls.

I want him here now. I want my Doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

"Before we get sucked into the Void or the universe implodes or I get dragged off by alien hordes, Rose, I just want to say, I'm sorry it took so long. I love you."

Oh, my God. I don't have a clue where that came from, and I'm not sure it isn't all in my head, but I know that voice. I never though I'd hear it again.

I didn't notice the memories stopping, and the darkness take over, but now all I can see is black. I'm standing up, too, and it feels as though I'm in a room where someone's turned all the lights off.

"Rose? Don't tell me I've got the wrong place."

"Who are you?" I don't want to see their face and not see him. Please let it be him.

"Come on! Don't tell me you've forgotten me!" A figure's appearing, walking towards me, grinning. Oh, God it's him!

But…"Why do you look like that?"

"I thought you'd be pleased."

"I am! But you didn't look like that when-" It's so hard not to cry at the thought.

"I'm dead. Properly dead this time, and there can't be ten of me here, can there? So I had to choose a body, and I thought since you…well, I thought you'd be pleased to see me."

I'm not going to reply to that. I'm going to do something better. Throw my arms round the daft prat and kiss him stupid.

"Doctor, am I dead?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I wasn't there, but it was your time. I came to meet you though, didn't I?" He's smiling again. God, I've missed that smile. "You wouldn't believe the people I've met here, Rose! I never expected this, I wasn't sure there was anything, to be honest, but there's so many…! You've got to meet Romana, she's fantastic!"

I don't think I ever saw him so happy in that body. Of course - he's found his people again.

"They forgave me," he says, as though he's reading my thoughts. Maybe he is. "They understand. And now I've got you as well! This is just so…fantastic!"

"Hello? When you two are quite finished…" Okay, new voice…whoa. That is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. A woman, dressed all in silver; and that hair is to _die_ for! And stupid pun of the month goes to…"Hello Rose."

It's a bit embarrassing to have to ask who she is as well. Somehow I think I should know her. She introduces herself, but I can't pronounce the name, so she says to just call her Jenna.

I'm still confused.

"She picked the name. I thought TARDIS sounded a bit weird," the Doctor explains.

"Am I really dead?"

"Yes. They've found your body. You were shot. Your side wins, in the end."

After all that, I'm not so sure I want to go. But then he holds his hand out, and there's no choice.

"Run."

And we're running, all three of us, into the darkness. Something cracks, and the darkness breaks, and we're still running, through a corridor, through a door, outside, and all around me is orange sky, and I've forgotten how I got here.


End file.
